I have asked the Question "Why" to myself probably a million times over the last year and a half. Why did Terik have to suffer with depression? Why did he have to die? Why did he take his own life? Why did I not recieve some feeling that he needed me that day? On and on the Why's go....
I never questioned or blamed God. I felt that He truly knew the why's but I did not and so I sought understanding and peace. Well a beautiful "Peace" came to me this week, in a way that I was not expecting. Which is usually how life works isn't it? When we least expect it things happen... both good and bad things.
My husband gave me a suggestion of a talk to read by Elder John Groberg. It was titled "Come Home, Felila". A few days later, I settled into my daily routine of cleaning, laundry, and dishes. I had this thought pop into my mind "You should listen to that talk Troy told you about, while you are working". So I pulled out my headphones and listened as I worked.
"Now it may seem easy to have faith in God when things are going well. But the law of growth requires constant effort and stretching. Thus, in order to have our faith strengthened, it must be stretched and tried and tested. One of the areas of testing that comes to many of us is when something occurs over which we apparently have little or no control and which to us seems unfair."
I thought, well I believe that is true and I feel pretty good about myself and thankful that my Faith has not wavered in my God through out this trial and many others that I have experienced in my life. Then my pride slowly began to fall away, needingly, as I hear the story of Felila.
Felila was born on a small pacific island to a faithful family. They were all thrilled and excited for her birth. Soon after birth problems arose. Her head was abnormally large and she was diagnosed with hydrocephalus. There was little they could do to help Felila on the island. They started working tirelessly to get her to the United States where she could get the medical help she needed. Letters were sent, living arrangements created, financial help organized, prayer and fasting was constant, x-rays taken and analyzed then sent back and forth numerous times, then Finally after exasperating delays, things began to fall into place. One morning Elder Groberg, who was serving as the mission president at the time, felt a strong impression that he must go now and make extra effort to get everything done so that Felila could go. He got everything in place and went to give the good news and found out that Felila had just passed away.
Elder Grobergs words to himself, "Gone? This morning? But all the work, all the time, all the fasting and praying and those strong feelings? Gone? NO! WHY? WHY? After all that work and the strong faith of so many and those impressions, why?" He then had a spiritual experience that changed his life. "I heard a voice, such a tender, compassionate voice-yet so unmistakably powerful-that all nature stood still and listened and obeyed."
It said,"Come home Felila, my daughter. Come home to the care your loved ones have sought for you. I have heard their prayers and have known their fasting and love for you, and I answer. Come home, my daughter. You have finished your mission in life. Hearts have been softened; souls have been stretched; faith has been increased. Come home now Felila."
"He knew her! How perfect our Father's love! He had heard the prayers. He had done what was best. He knew everything-which thing, though I believed, I never had supposed. In some marvelous way, which is beyond our mortal comprehension, he knows and understands all things.
My questions as to why-as to justice and reasons-were all at that moment completely swept away. They were so irrelevant, my questioning so totally out of place, like one trying to dig the Grand Canyon with a teaspoon."
My mind was opened up to a view, just for a moment, of the grandeur of God's plan. All of my Why's were able to be set aside and a peace of knowing God would reveal all the things to me at some point in my life, either this life or the next, settled into my heart with a profound depth. I am thankful for experiences that help to stretch me, teach me, give me understanding. Would I ever have chosen one of those experiences to be this one? Absolutely NOT! Can I trust that it is still for my good? YES! Can I trust that God knows Why? YES! I will trust in HIM forever!